Which is the Real You?

Behavioral changes across settings challenge professionals to define what’s normal when dissociation and uncertainty collide with a commitment to care.

A Hesitation to Speak

The sun pierces the clouds through the high-rise window. An occasional breeze from the air conditioner moves hair strands. The elbow of a gentleman rests lightly on a throw pillow that decorates a love seat.

Across from him is a woman, her slight smile conveying patience. Avner bows his head, thumb tracing his eyebrow.

Noting their session will end shortly, the therapist breaks the silence. “If you’re not comfortable with me, I can refer you to a male colleague.”

Avner looks at his watch. “No. We’re fine. What was the question again?”

“When you’re ready, share an example of a time you behaved inconsistently with your usual personality.”

A Revealing Session

“At work, I’m organized, focused, and professional, you know. On the way home, the other night, I went for a drink at a bar.”

“Is it one you frequently visit?”

“No. This place was new. A woman was standing out front. You know the kind. She caught my attention, but I went inside to look around.”

“Was the interior what you expected?”

“I’m not sure. The music was loud. I approached an attractive lady seated at the counter. She was stirring the melted ice in her drink. Seemed like she was waiting for someone to finally strike up a conversation, so I did.”

“How did that work out?”

“My pickup line didn’t land well. She said the women who’d appreciate it were standing outside. After that embarrassment, I left.”

“Did you go home?”

“Not directly. I tried the line on the same woman I saw from my car out front—not expecting what followed. I got dressed and then went home.”

“I see the wedding band. Did you tell… your wife?”

“No. We began arguing about petty things, as if I were picking a fight. It reminded me of my childhood. She was hurt and asked me to leave.”

“Did you apologize?”

“No, I went back to the motel above the club to rent a room by the week instead of an hour.”

“Did you invite the prior lady to join you?”

“No—at least, not yet. That’s when I came here.”

“This is progress. Marriage counseling can reveal why someone seeks comfort elsewhere.”

“I don’t think you understand. Whoever I’ve become has taken over. I’m not trying to reconcile.”

An Unexpected Request

“Do you plan on living in the motel indefinitely?”

“No. I don’t think so. The professional guy at work who has a sense of humor at home has suddenly become drawn to risky encounters. Right now, for example, I’m wondering if… you’d come to my motel tonight.”

Dr. Lynda bows her head to mask her surprised expression as she jots down a note.

“Like you, I must maintain professionalism with clients.” She stands uncomfortably. “Our session time has ended. Why don’t we pick this up tomorrow?”

“Don’t you understand? I should be with a professional woman like you—instead of one who stands in front of nightclubs.”

Her digital tablet pressed firmly to her chest, Dr. Lynda establishes a boundary. “Again, we should pause here. You can follow up with me… or a colleague.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow—unless you change your mind—you know, about my offer.”

After Avner leaves, Dr. Lynda recognizes that this is more than a marriage counseling session. She notes her preliminary assessments along with things to confirm.

After gaining more insight into Avner’s childhood, she hopes to uncover what may be prompting his current behavior.

Another Visit

Avner returns the next day, more courteous than the prior. He’s respectful and cooperative, frequently brightening the room with a charming smile.

Professionally dressed, Dr. Lynda makes eye contact with him. “How did things go… last night?”

“Fine,” he responds tersely. “How was your evening?”

“Mine went well, thank you. Did you invite anyone up to your motel room?”

He pauses, nearly perplexed. “That… seems like a… personal question.”

“Okay. What do you want to talk about today?”

“Nothing, really. I’m good.”

The doctor makes brief notations. “Your different personalities have come up in these visits. Can we talk about treatment?”

“Why do you think I need treatment? This is my best behavior.”

“Fair enough. Is there any aspect of your childhood that was troubling?”

“As far as I know, it was no different from other people.”

His responses to these and other questions move her to consider various options, without naming them directly.

As they work through various remedies in the weeks ahead, she sees progress. Avner recognizes that his personality shifts to mask behavior that he isn’t comfortable addressing.

“It’s embarrassing to admit how much I’ve spent seeking non-committal satisfaction.”

“Has the frequency changed recently?”

“None within the past month.”

He apologizes for his earlier inappropriate remark and becomes more cooperative. On a sunny afternoon, Avner exits a therapy session to have lunch in a street-side café with his wife. It’s the next step toward mutual understanding and reconciliation.

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The situational settings convey plausible outcomes which may not reflect the experiences of actual individuals.

FAQ: Learning about dissociative identity disorder

What is dissociative identity disorder (DID)?

Dissociative identity disorder is a complex condition in which a person experiences two or more distinct identity states, along with gaps in memory or sense of self. It is often linked to severe, prolonged trauma in childhood.

How is DID different from mood swings or ordinary role changes?

While many people shift roles in different settings, DID involves more pronounced changes in sense of self, behavior, and memory, with some identity states not recalling what others have done. It is not the same as normal emotional ups and downs.

Can dissociative identity disorder be treated?

Treatment typically focuses on long-term psychotherapy that addresses safety, stabilizes daily functioning, processes traumatic memories, and fosters cooperation among identity states. Progress is often gradual but can lead to improved quality of life.

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