The following humor may be too soon for some. This article addresses health of the coronavirus pandemic on our in-home health. Some facts may be exaggerated for the sake of amusement.
Babysitting
My heart goes out to to the many businesses negatively impacted by the pandemic. One industry suffering the most is the vast workforce of skilled… babysitters.
In a distant time, many months ago, parents would venture out to their jobs in faraway lands. Some even planned date nights to watch a movie in a theater and dine at restaurants.
Before driving off in a carriage, the doorbell would ring. And in would step a magnificent being—the babysitter. She entered the home to watch their children, to microwave dinner, show young minds how to view Netflix, tuck them under the covers, and read them a bedtime social media page before mom and dad’s carriage transformed into a pumpkin.
During the pandemic, such excursions sound like fairytales. The restaurants that are open offer curbside pickup. And when the doorbell rings, it’s not babysitter relief, it’s an Amazon delivery.
Home Deliveries
Does it seem as though Amazon prepared us for the pandemic? The company began as a startup selling books online. As the years passed, they have sold everything you could either plug into your ear or an electric socket.
Then, just before the pandemic, Amazon began delivering food, toilet paper, and cleaning supplies with voice activated Alexa requests. Now, no one has to leave the home. Parents assume the role of babysitters, home chefs, virtual school principals, and IT professionals. A night at the theater is now the act of streaming movies on digital devices.
Entertainment
The entertainment industry was also devastated by the pandemic. We binge watched reruns while our the actors in our favorite shows put on their greatest performance via Zoom. They all acted like they could’t leave their mansions.
Then, as if by a miracle, a new season of shows airs on Netflix. Some shows depict the challenges of social distancing while others have stars all up in each other’s faces.
My wife turns bing-watching into a competition. She asks, “Which season are you watching?" “Four,” I reply before she taunts, “I’m on season six.” We view one episode together and I am ready to roll over and sleep, while she stays up to watch three more and maintain her lead.
Home Office
Meanwhile, most of the population is still working from home. We wake up, pour a bowl of cereal for everyone in the family, bootup a network of computers, retrieve an Amazon package from the front porch and sit at our desk.
After hours of emails, website browsing, webinars, videoconferencing, we finally have our children ready for school. Now we can get to work, back in our chair.
All this sitting becomes a pain in the butt. So what do we do about it? We order a new chair online. Our living room is a wasteland of worn out, uncomfortable chairs.
The coronavirus may not kill us but this sedentary lifestyle will. We sit for everything. The only time we get up during the day is to go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. I don’t mean to wine like a baby (sitter) about the new normal, but we need some exercise.
The ergonomic workspace has everything at our fingertips. How about disrupting things a bit by keeping the stapler on the other side of the office? Can we walk into the next room with our kids to help with homework instead of using FaceTime?
Dogs
Invent ways to walk more. Stop using your Amazon drone to bring snacks from the kitchen. Some people buy dogs to encourage walking. After all, if you ignore their scratch on the door, you may need more than an N95 face mask to breathe.
I understand that most people want to get a dog for protection if someone comes to rob you. But I don’t understand the trend towards dogs that you aren’t able to protect while other persons rob them.
People are spending entire stimulus checks on tiny legless dogs, the size of house slippers. Buy some fuzzy house slippers, wear a leash around your ankle, and pocket the extra cash.
With the availability of more coronavirus vaccinations, we look forward to post-pandemic life soon. People will be able to apply for new jobs beyond the front porch, where everyone has the same qualifications: home chefs, school teachers, IT professionals, online shoppers, dog walkers, and babysitters.
Main photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels.
