May-December Relationships

Wide Age Gap

First the definition: A May-December romance has nothing to do with the month a couple meets or marries. It describes an intimate involvement of two people with a considerable age difference.^[1] Very wealthy men average remarrying brides that are 22.3 years younger.^[2]

A woman, typically 35–50, who is more than 8 years older is considered a “cougar.” This term can be either offensive or empowering, depending on the person. In the United States, a “puma” is a woman in her 30s who prefers dating younger men.^[3]

An older male is called a “sugar daddy” if he finances a young woman’s lifestyle. The bride of a much older male is often called a “trophy wife.”^[4] When either the younger male or female is a minor, the relationship is child molestation—regardless of consent.

Classic May-December Acting Roles

Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn
Actors Cary Grant (b. Archibald Alec Leach, 1904) and Audrey Hepburn (b. Audrey Kathleen Ruston, 1929) in Charade, 1963.

Movies often portray an older debonair leading male in dramas and comedies. Without recommending any of the following, plot endings are often, but not always, blissful.

The Age of Adaline (2015): Blake Lively, Harrison Ford, Michiel Huisman
The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer (1947): Cary Grant + Shirley Temple
Charade (1963): Cary Grant + Audrey Hepburn
The Graduate (1967): Anne Bancroft + Dustin Hoffman
Jurassic Park (1993): Sam Neill + Laura Dern
Love in the Afternoon (1957): Gary Cooper + Audrey Hepburn
In a Lonely Place (1950): Humphrey Bogart + Gloria Grahame
Obsession (1980): Richard Burton + Tatum O’Neal
Rear Window (1954): James Stewart + Grace Kelly
Rebecca (1940): Laurence Olivier + Joan Fontaine
Roman Holiday (1953): Gregory Peck + Audrey Hepburn
Sabrina (1995): Harrison Ford + Julia Ormond
Sabrina (1954): Humphrey Bogart + Audrey Hepburn
Sunset Boulevard (1950): Gloria Swanson + William Holden

Actual May-December Actor Relationships

Catherine Zeta-Jones Michael Douglas
Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones (b. 1969) with husband Michael Kirk Douglas (b. 1944) at 2012 Tribeca Film Festival.

Among Hollywood marriages, significant age differences sometimes extend beyond the movie set.^[5–6]

George Clooney + Amal Alamuddin: Age gap: 16 years
Warren Beatty + Annette Bening: Age gap: 21 years
Harrison Ford + Calista Flockhart: Age gap: 22 years
Bruce Willis + Emma Heming: Age gap: 23 years
Sylvester Stallone + Jennifer Flavin: Age gap: 22 years
Solange Knowles + Alan Ferguson: Age gap: 23 years
Leonardo DiCaprio + Camila Morrone: Age gap: 23 years
Donald + Melania Trump: Age gap: 24 years
Michael Douglas + Catherine Zeta-Jones: Age gap: 25 years
Alec Baldwin + Hilaria Thomas: Age gap: 26 years
Kelsey Grammer + Kayte Walsh: Age gap: 26 years
Rod Stewart + Penny Lancaster: Age gap: 26 years
Steve Martin + Anne Stringfield: Age gap: 26 years
Edward James Olmos + Lymari Nadal: Age gap: 31 years
Jeff Goldblum + Emilie Livingston: Age gap: 31 years
Joan Collins + Percy Gibson: Age gap: 32 years
David Foster + Katharine McPhee: Age gap: 35 years
Madonna + Ahlamalik Williams: Age gap: 36 years
Patrick Stewart + Sunny Ozell: Age gap: 38 years
Robert Duval + Luciana Pedraza: Age gap: 41 years
Woody Allen + Soon-Yi Previn: Age gap: 48 years

Biblical May-December Relationships

People may look in the Bible, focusing on a reference to the “wife of your youth” in Proverbs 5:18. The context is not a prohibition. Rather, it draws a contrast between a man’s wife and a strange woman. Other scriptures describe intimate relationships with significant age differences.

Abram + Hagar: Genesis 6:1–4
Boaz + Ruth: Ruth 4:13
David + Abigail: 1 Samuel 25:42
David + Abishag: 1 Kings 1:1–4
Soloman’s wives and concubines: 1 Kings 11:1–3

Negative Consequences

There are more cons than pros to May-December relationships. Expect many opportunities to become offended by the remarks of onlookers. The topic of age will be at the forefront of many discussions. Most parents have some choice words for someone “robbing the cradle,” especially when that person is near their age.

In social settings, people like to reminisce about youthful memories. These conversations can alienate a mate born decades later. If you can’t handle people talking about you behind (or in front of) your back, you are not ready for this type of relationship.

Expect many awkward assumptions of your older mate being your parent or a younger mate being your child. Be quick to introduce yourself as the spouse before someone puts their foot in their mouth (or you are inclined to put your foot in someone’s mouth).

Hungry for juicy gossip, the common follow-up question is: “How did you two meet?” If you met under questionable circumstances, you can change the subject.

Fighting Flaws

May-December Romance
Age gap can become more apparent in the older partner as decades progress.

Some people believe that their soul mate cannot be confined to a specific age. Typically, someone in their 20s is attracted to someone else in their 30s or 40s who looks good for their age. They may be dying their gray hairs and be reasonably fit. At a glance, people can assume an age difference of half a dozen years. Eventually, that age gap becomes more evident.

In a close relationship, you will also be privy to views of the older mate without makeup. The bond must be built on more than physical appearance.^[7] Are you prepared for frequent criticism and innuendos? If not, your initial attraction may change to resentment.

“There was never one day that I ever doubted my decision to be with [David].” —Katherine McPhee-Foster

Do you dream of raising a family and growing old together with your mate? A significant age gap can hinder childbirth and accelerate retirement for half of the partnership. Unexpected illness can occur at any age. But old age brings about aches and pains. So the younger mate is more likely to become an earlier caregiver.

An older woman may experience menopause soon after marriage (if she has not already done so). A man’s testosterone and virility diminishes in proportion to a growing prostate gland after 50 or 60 years of age. You could be shaving decades off of your marriage with a significant age difference.

Positive Benefits

A mature man without offspring might marry a youthful woman to carry on his progeny. With more financial stability, a mature partner can impart insight and wisdom. The youthful partner has more strength and vitality. In a complementary manner, they can complete each other. Many younger mates are drawn to the financial stability of the older ones. This should not be the sole motivation.

Weigh the pros and cons. If you are truly in love and able to deal with obstacles, cherish the time you have together.

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