The Handicap Switch E3

The kitchen looks like a carpenter built it for a gourmet chef. There’s a center island to prep foods, six burners on the stove, gas, and convection ovens, and a walk-in pantry. After doing the best she can in unfamiliar surroundings, she apologetically requests a verdict for her abilities.

“I’m not a great cook, but I think I get by pretty good, don’t you?”

With a raised eyebrow, he replies, “I’ll just say don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

“Why? You don’t like it? Actually, that’s not too offensive. I know I’m a terrible cook who needs a lot more practice. Should I order food for delivery?”

“No, I wan’t to chart your culinary progress.”

“Since we’re being honest, tell me why you never paid attention to me despite my continuing efforts to attract attention. Is it my flat chest, or my plain face? It’s both, isn’t it?”

“I was just focused on perfecting my golf game and meeting power players for advancement, rather than women.”

“So was Heidi a power player?”

“Touché. I think discussing my accident would be less mentally traumatic than answering these questions.”

“You can’t avoid the subject. Rate me on a scale of 1 to 10. I’ll make it easy. Am I under or over 5?”

“I don’t want to focus on physical appearance while I myself am disfigured. We need to look beyond that to the real person.”

“What I’m hearing is that I rate under 5.”

“You know I was with Heidi. She has more than enough curves for the two of you, but your human interest exceeds hers. I think you’re worth getting to know better.”

“That’s good to hear. I must admit that pursuing someone who never gave me the time of day, especially in your current condition, required some soul-searching. I haven’t yet decided if I lowered or raised my standards.”

“Let me say this. If I gain my mobility and we’re still together, your physique is more than adequate for me.”

“Does that mean you sneak glances when I bend over?”

“If you’re going to give me sponge baths, I should be allowed to steal glances of admiration. I’m powerless to do anything more in my current condition anyway.”

“Fair enough. I need to run home and pack some things before settling in. Is there anything else I can do before leaving, and do I get a key to let myself in?”

“Right now I’d like to take my prescription and lay down until you get back. You’ve been very helpful. There’s a blue key on the hook near the front door.”

After helping him under the covers, he sighs from exhaustion before saying, “Thanks again. We passed your room, right next to mine. In case I’m asleep when you return, good night.”

Jane kisses him tenderly on the forehead before responding. “Good night, Matthew.”

Over the next few weeks, they become more acquainted. She shuttles him to doctor’s appointments and he progresses to the use of crutches on occasion. Their most exciting day is when his prosthetic limb arrives. He manifests determination to perfect the gate of his walk.

With additional help from a physical therapist who is also an amputee, Matthew learns to run, ride bikes, and stay fit.

The Nineteenth Hole

In time, they go out on their first date at a fancy restaurant. With jewelry, makeup, and a low-cut dress, she glamorizes herself as much as possible. In the candlelight, she deprecates her appearance.

“It doesn’t get much better than this. By that I mean, if this dress neckline reached my navel, you still wouldn’t see any cleavage.”

He responds without a smile. “I love your sense of humor, but you need to stop making fun of yourself. You overlooked physical flaws far greater than yours when you began caring for me.”

“I’m sorry. I promise to focus on the positive for the rest of the evening..”

The occasion progresses with table-side music and delicious entrees. Matthew then suggests, “You must order the flourless chocolate cake.”

“It sounds delicious, but I can’t eat another bite. If you insist, can I take it home?”

“Well, yes, I insist, and no, you can’t take it home?”

“Since this is an evening of your planning that I promised not to upset, I’ll do my best to enjoy dessert.” When it arrives, she asks, “Are you at least going to share it with me?”

“It’s small. You can handle it.”

After sinking her fork into the moist chocolate delight, she exclaims, “I hate to complain, but there’s something hard in my cake. Can you call the waiter?”

“Tell me, what do you see?” he asks.

“I’m afraid to look. Oh? It seems like someone’s wedding ring accidentally fell into the batter.”

When her eyes rise, Matthew is smiling. “That was no accident. Forgive my inability to kneel, but Jane, you mean the world to me. You’ve already honored me in countless ways. As the icing on the cake, will you marry me?”

“Oh my! I fully expected you to fall for your physical therapist.”

“I’m more careful about falling since the last time it cost me a leg.”

“Don’t get me wrong. We’ve become good friends. Did I miss a few steps? You never acknowledged a romantic interest in me.”

“Perhaps you weren’t paying attention. Although in separate rooms, we’ve been living together since before I could walk. Every morning I struggle to become a worthy companion to the loyal woman who already cares for me like a loving wife.”

“Wow. What are my feelings?” she exclaims rhetorically while cleaning her ring in a glass of water. “From the outset, I’ve been endeavoring to learn more about the conceited man who’s out of my league. By stripping away the fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, and window office, I came to know you better.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Of course, but there are private matters we never discussed because I missed the transition from caregiving to dating. Now I fear you’ll be disappointed with my appearance on the honeymoon.

“For example, what if I’m masking cellulite or too much body hair? Do you realize how long it took for me to squeeze into my shapewear for some semblance of an hourglass figure this evening?”

“Jane, are your body image concerns preventing your response?”

No. You should realize that you have more curves than I do, so it’s shocking to hear such a permanent request without some sort of bikini preview.

”Women have different pelvis shapes. If mine is platypelloid, it raises the likelihood of a cesarean birth. Then you’d be disappointed with a scar.”

“Relax and take a deep breath,” Matthew cautions. “If it makes you more comfortable, bikini attire can be a requirement for all future caregiving.”

”I could suddenly find myself with a disability. Would you still love me with an amputation?”

“That might depend on which leg.”

“You kid about it, but in all seriousness, the one important thing I lack clarity on is your view towards family.”

“I’m willing to mend fences with my family while looking forward to you pushing children through your narrow hips. Now, try to focus. This engagement ring surprise required significant preparation. Any further delay in your proposal response might be punishable as public harassment of a handicapped individual.”

“Without the physical attributes of more worthy women, attracting the man of my dreams seemed like an overreach. I love you with all my heart, Matthew. This entire experience has taught me to look deeper than the surface when getting to know someone.

“Here are the words I never thought I’d get to say to you. Yes! Becoming your wife would be my honor. Before you come to your senses, please marry me as quickly as possible.”

Post-haste wedding arrangements do not prevent Heidi from delighting Matthew with a bikini preview in his backyard pool. After a short engagement, the family along with Heidi attend a beautiful ceremony. Over the next few years, Jane gives birth to three healthy children. The insurance settlement allows Matthew to focus all his time on being the perfect father and husband.

This story highlights the imperfections everyone must overlook. It is also a testament to the fact that, with persistence, selflessness, and candor, it’s possible to discover the perfect friendship or even a lifelong mate.

The End

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