Publish Novellas 5 March 2023
EPISODE 7 – CONFESSION
After a daughter makes up her mind to pursue an unwise course, her mother shares the truth about her child’s father and the life leading up to her mysterious birth.
Mature content advisory
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Tamara confesses to her daughter, “When I was 19, with hormones raging and no fear of consequences, I became a mistress to a much older married man with children. It was purely sexual and secret. I had a closet full of exotic lingerie.
“There was no interaction with his family. He paid for my tiny dorm-like apartment, and basic things I needed. Everything changed when I became pregnant at 25 years old. My body became less desirable to him as the infant within me grew.
“He didn’t want another child. All of your half siblings were grown. So the dynamics of our arrangement changed. Caring for a pregnant woman on the side is much different than pandering to a secret lover.
“Baby strollers and infant clothing would replace nice jewelry and fancy dinners. A secret intimate rendezvous would become a diaper-changing excursion.
Putting Out
“Your father, from whom you get your brown skin and curly hair, tried to exit gracefully. He asked that I not make contact with his family. My rent was paid for a full year. I also received a lump sum of money to help me through pregnancy. After your successful birth, he paid me a tidy sum in lieu of monthly child support.
“I didn’t feel I deserved more, because I wasn’t a wife. Becoming pregnant was a violation of my agreement. Initially, I cherished the arrangement as frequent satisfaction of my own desires. As time passed, I began to feel more like a stale snack in a vending machine, by virtue of bearing a child. In retrospect, I could have benefitted from psychotherapy to build my self-worth, but that would’ve taken food from your mouth.
“The lump sums I accepted were gone within two years. But they helped me to get on my feet and raise you by myself. I’m ashamed to say that when finances were low, I knew how to make some decent money overnight. Hopefully, I tapered off while you were too young to remember.”
“I remember a few men leaving in the morning, when I was about 8 years old. But I didn’t know anything about payments though.”
Withholding Evidence
“I have deleted or burned all the sexy pictures your father took of me or that I sent to him, as his mistress. For all I know, they may be online by now. But please don’t look for them. I only keep two photos.
“One is of my sitting on the bed full-term with you. The other one reminds me of how I really felt about my plight. It depicts me crouched on the floor, leaning on my bed crying. I hope you never have an image like this of you in your photo album.
“There is no one else to blame for the darkness of my bad decisions. You were my much needed daylight and I refused to neglect you for my mistakes.” Tamara pauses for about five minutes of silence while they embrace, sobbing.
Finally, Alyssa replies, “Wow, you’ve kept that in for a long time. Your revelation answers many questions. I love you, and thank you for all you’ve done for us. You’re the ideal person to help me with my current feelings! A father named John Smith on my birth certificate sounds like you were hiding his identity. I imagined you may have been raped or artificially inseminated so I didn’t push it.”
“You’re right. That’s not your father’s real name. John is the nickname for a client. He requested anonymity. I hesitated to tell you about him, in order to shield you from the shame.”
“You did what you felt was necessary for our survival. I will always love you regardless of any past mistakes. However I got here, you gave me the opportunity to enjoy life!” They embrace with more weeping.
Convincing Argument
Tamara continues, “Turning a chapter, this is now your life. I can’t live it for you. As my only daughter, you’re my sole opportunity for grandchildren. I urge you to consider the use of your reproductive years wisely.
”My life demonstrates that being someone’s hidden affair can last longer than you expect. When it’s over, you might not have time to find a husband and start a family with viable eggs to fertilize.
“I sacrificed my vibrant youth. You were my release from that dismal existence. If you take anything of value from my mistakes, don’t follow in my footsteps.
“I have no free speech to condemn you. But out of concern, make it clear to me how your situation is different. I want to believe that you’re smarter and less naive than I was.”
“That’s a big ask. I hope to be less naive, but I’m in love, and by speaking to his wife, Brad demonstrates that I will not be a secret sex slave. We addressed some tough questions. Based on what you have shared, we still have more to discuss.
“What I learn from your story is that you’re a remarkably resourceful woman who loves me very much. Others in your situation may have considered a child expendable. Brad and I need to have a candid discussion about pregnancy. What is my reward for giving him the best years of my life?”
“You’ll be miles ahead of me with answers to those questions. If you want, I can help you research birth control options and share what I know.”
Alyssa’s heart fills with emotion. “Hearing you say that makes me want to cry again. You never stop helping me. This may not be an ideal relationship, but you’re still supportive.
“Though a better understanding of birth control is helpful, my desire is to become pregnant. Brad hasn’t been able to have children. It’s not something we can defer many years. A unified intent of raising a family will prevent my situation from ending like yours.
“Pregnancy is not typically the goal of a mistress. It sounds like your heart craves a different role.”
“What can I say? You have a rebel in the house. I continue to break the rules. It’s time to take my punishment like a big girl. My decision may drag our name through the mud. It makes sense to distance yourself from me. I will still love you, but tell me if I no longer have a roof over my head.”
Supporting Us
Tamara assures her daughter, “I don’t want you to relive my fear of becoming homeless with a baby in tow. It would be better if Brad assumes responsibility to provide you with a place to stay. But you shouldn’t live in a cockroach-infested sex den.
“Our family tree is damaged enough. It would make me happy to see the birth of grandchildren who are not illegitimate. However, there will be no eviction if you or your baby needs a place to live. But let’s be clear, under no circumstances can Brad live here, though!”
Alyssa concurs, “Thank you, and I agree that living with two T-shirt donning braless hotties jiggling around the house might fulfill Brad’s fantasy, but not mine. Marriage to Brad is, of course, my preferred option. But if he proposes to me tomorrow, it would be foolish and naive to say yes while he’s still married to someone else.”
“That certainly sounds like you’re wiser than I was. I cannot control your hormones but I prefer that you wait until the situation is more stable with any man before having sex. But since you’re an adult, you’ll own the consequences.”
“You’re absolutely right about everything, as usual. This makes me think hard about my youth and my relationship with Brad. I will have another discussion with him to establish common goals.
”Who knows? After bringing up divorce, marriage, and pregnancy, he may call the whole thing off. Or maybe he’ll snatch the wedding ring off his wife and give it to me! Nothing is too outrageous at this point. I hope we find a common ground. If so and I get pregnant, my children’s grandmother may be younger than their father.”
“That’ll make this granny feel more youthful. Prepare yourself for outsiders to assume Brad is my husband—which is another reason he can’t live here. What an odd family portrait we would hang on the wall. How do you feel about having a potential husband who is as old as your mother?”
“We ignored the waitress who called me his daughter yesterday. The age difference doesn't bother me now. In 20 years, when it’s more apparent, I hope our love will be strong enough to blur the wrinkles.
“I look at it this way, if my mother won’t be too old to love, why should my husband? Besides, older men seem to be more distinguished. Think of Carry Grant and Audrey Hepburn. They were a romantic couple in movies, even though he was 25 years older.”
“Whether you break up his marriage or have children out of wedlock, you’re choosing a scandalous life. Being a biracial couple just gives more reason for people to talk. He will be making a big sacrifice for you with likely alienation from his friends and family. At least for the interim, you’ll need to be strong enough to replace them all. Are you ready for this?”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready. I need to develop a thick skin. It would help if you begin calling me out of my name. Call me every awful expression that I’m likely to hear from others.
“Instead of talking behind my back, tell me to my face if you’ll secretly hate him, or me? Will something strange happen to my uterus. Will my children develop monobrows? Or maybe… is there a remote chance that this will work out and I’ll be happy?”
“There is nothing that can make me stop loving you! If you get pregnant, that flat tummy of yours will probably get stretch marks. As a young woman, your uterus is a healthy place for fetal gestation. With no specific causes, a uterus can develop fibroids, endometriosis, or cancer later.
“Any of these may result in hysterectomy, which ends opportunity for childbirth. So, at this point in life, the loins of your reproductive system are the most valuable cut of meat you’ll ever serve.”
Continue…
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