Opposites Attract E5

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Mature content advisory

Résumé of Qualifications


Brad and Alyssa are still about 20 minutes away from home after having lunch together. With a clearer head, she wants to improve her image as a mature woman by cutting ties with the fast food restaurant at which she works. This will also give her more time to be with Brad.

“Does my working in a fast food restaurant embarrass you? During lunch today, I felt like an elegant lady—like I belong in company with other mature women. My work uniform makes me look 16 years old.”

“I won’t think less of you for working to earn money. People of all ages work in fast food restaurants.”

“So dropping me off and picking me up from work doesn’t bother you?”

“That’s still within the 40-mile radius. Occasionally, it’s fine, but a regular basis could draw attention to our relationship.”

You say you’re proud to be with me. I wish you didn’t have to ignore me when I’m at home.”

“I won’t ignore you. There will just be some caution. With more information about your skills and education, perhaps I could help you find a better position.”

“As far as experience goes, Burger Bun is my first job. I studied liberal arts for two years at a community college. So I have an AA degree in that. I can type about 40 words per minute, am familiar with the Microsoft Office suite of applications, and can send fast text messages.”

“That’s a good start.”

“Based on my résumé, do you still feel we’re compatible?”

“I would say we are complementary.”

Accepting Compensation

“I don’t mind working, but taking drive-thru orders magnifies our age difference. I don’t expect to pass for my mother’s age, but I want to appear more mature around you. By virtue of my youth, I don’t have a pension or even a good paying job.”

“Now comes the part when you say you want to stop working while I pay you to be my mistress.”

“I hope that wasn’t an intentional insult. Maybe I just misunderstood your phrasing. Did I hear you offer financial assistance because I deserve it?”

“I don’t want this to become a cal- girl relationship.”

“As logical and mature as our discussion has been, you have the audacity to compare me to a call girl! Beware when a Black woman snatches off her earrings. I will call this whole thing off right now!

“Am I supposed to ask my mother for money to by clothes and perfume for your benefit? Are you really telling me that in exchange for providing wifely duties, I should flip burgers to eat?”

I can’t tell you how many times a day someone gropes me when I bend over to wipe down tables. If you care about me, you should want to rescue me from such harassment.”

“Whoa! Look, I’m sorry for offending you and had no idea you were going through that. I really like you, but consider the circumstances from my standpoint. We just met, so early discussions like this put me on the defense. I thought for moment that this might have been a shake down.”

“You’re the one who asked me out. Honestly, I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything you assume goes with it. I’m going to give you valuable advice to remember. Accusations like that will make any wife or mistress withhold privileges from you. Now I’m beginning to wonder if your careless tongue is the cause of your current marital woes.”

Trying to salvage the arrangement he desperately desires, Brad retracts his accusation. “You’re right about everything. Let’s rewind. Please forgive me and excuse my stupidity. Let me give you—call it an allowance—of say, $400 per week.”

“That’s more than I make working part-time at Burger Bun. I have no idea how much you earn. But by riling me, I should double your offer. To prove that I’m not greedy, I will budget $200 per week while staying with my mother. If that’s a strain, pay me less.”

“You’re being very reasonable. I can use the extra dollars to properly wine and dine you. Now kiss away your pout with a peck on my cheek…. Does that mean you will quit working at the Burger Bun this week?”

“I’d like to quit as soon as your wife signs off on our relation­ship. I’m sorry for showing you my ugly side, which should never come out in your presence. I could blame it on the alcohol, but that wouldn’t be true.”

“Don’t apologize for being passionate!”

“I’m trying to figure out everything I should do to satisfy you on a first date while stressing over the tough conversations ahead of us. My mother was immediately able to see signs of my attraction to you. She knows me too well to keep our activity a secret from her.

“Acknowledging that she was right all along, I need to tell her that her daughter is a mistress. That may be a big disappointment. So I must assure her that we will respect her house. I’ll explain all the wonderful reasons why you make me happy.

“She may highlight potential problems between your wife. This is why the conversation with Mrs. Dallier is so important. My mother doesn’t deserve to face a jealous woman trying to burn our house down.”

Anticipating Consequences

Brad expresses concern. “Are you certain that your mother won’t have any ill will against me? For all I know she might try to burn down—my house!”

Alyssa tries to allay fears. “My mother loves me. I was an adult at age 18. Now, at 21, she stopped laying down rules and has become more of an advisor. She believes I have a crush. But I haven’t acknowledged what I plan on letting you do. I can’t promise she won’t be angry about my conduct under her roof.

“Rest assured, I’ll defer all the blame to myself, and paint you as the victim of my enticements. Even though we both really know the feelings were mutual from the start. Is that right?

“Absolutely. I appreciate your efforts to diffuse her anger.”

“The only thing I’m unsure of is whether she will tell me this means I’m grown enough to move out. Your mistress should not have to worry about whether she has a place to stay.

“But, excuse me…, I’m more worried now about where to pee. Don’t watch me clutching myself to keep from wetting your car seat.

Emergency Detour

Brad responds as quickly as possible, “Hang on just a second. I see an ice cream parlor ahead. Let’s pull over so we can both relieve ourselves there!”

She aborts her makeshift efforts and runs to the lady’s room. There, Alyssa wets her undergarment and discards them in the wastebasket. She then puts soap and water on hand towels.

After washing away the residue on herself, she mumbles, “I’m not prepared for this. How was I supposed to know to bring extra underwear? What kind of woman gets in a car on a first date without panties?”

When Alyssa finally exits the facilities, the couple shares a booth for a few moments. “You must have women’s intuition. It appears that I’ve now taken you somewhere after lunch like you insisted I would,” Brad points out.

Alyssa is sniffling while trying not to cry. “People are looking at us because I ran in here with my hands under my skirt. This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold it.

“Despite all my effort to be an elegant lady for you, I end up arguing, pouting, and running to the toilet like a child on our first date. Please don’t tease me about it.”

Brad endeavors to rebuild her self-esteem. “Consider it a prelude to the many stares and snide remarks we will receive as a biracial couple. You’re handling it well. I just imagine they are staring in envy because they can’t have my beautiful lady.

“Those margaritas and coffee had to go somewhere. It’s a natural bodily function. As far as I’m concerned, we pulled over so I could relieve myself!

“There is no way I will tease you. I’m still more proud of being with you than any other woman on earth. Will you allow me to hug you?”

“Yes, thank you. I need it!”

“Can I buy you an ice cream cone before we go?”

Sure, I’ll bite. We need to continue with our questions. Where were we? Oh, where will I live if my mother kicks me out?”

“If you must move out, $200 per week will be a drop in the bucket. You need enough for rent, utilities, food, furniture, clothing, and more.”

“I don’t want that to happen, but it’s a possibility. If this puts a hardship on you, perhaps we should end this now.

“I’m not a gold digger. It’s just that my crush on a handsome man may end up costing me a place to stay. If there’s a way it can work out, I will be very happy. But if I’m a burden, then it’s better to have a little heartache now than three times as much later.”

“I don’t believe you’re a gold digger. These are responsible questions. Let’s get back on the road to finish this conversation. We can’t miss your curfew.”

Payment for Services

“I’ll talk to my wife tonight. If she says that she won’t tolerate our intimate relationship, you and I will have much more to discuss in person. If she agrees to look the other way, I’ll send you $200 on your phone’s cash app. Who knows? Maybe you could come live with us.”

“Are you kidding?”

“You’re supposed to laugh. I wasn’t serious about that. Here, take $200 cash now as a small acknow­ledge­ment that I’m willing to support you even if the conversation with your mother goes poorly.”

Alyssa says, “Now it sounds like you’re putting me first and building some trust in my words. It makes me feel closer to you already.” While sliding the dollar bills into her bra, Alyssa realizes, by accepting this money, she is obligating herself.

Let me know the result of your talk during my morning window exhibition. If so, I promise to acknowledge it with a surprise.”

Drop Off

The pause after pulling up in front of Alyssa’s house seems like an eternity. She breaks the silence with a admission,

“Brad, I made a lot of mistakes on this date.

He opens the car door and kisses her on the cheek without regard for the neighborhood watch.

“Be honest. Was I a public embarrassment to you today?”

“Not at all. To me, everything worked out very well. We made great progress.”

“That kiss on the cheek within the forbidden radius was a bold move! If you’re as happy with our date as you say, give me my first manly kiss…. Thank you Brad for the most wonderful and life-changing lunch date I ever had. Don’t forget me tomorrow morning.” Before turning her back, Alyssa adds, “Love you!”

Alyssa enters the house at 6 o’clock in the evening, not knowing whether her mother is inside, or whether she saw them kissing.


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