Mammary Whey E2

Novella Miniseries



Still enjoying morning conversation while eating cheesecake and coffee, Arlene tries to visualize Arlene baking with her milk. “Did you thaw frozen or use fresh milk?”

I stripped down to my undies for easy access to fresh milk. This way I could express milk right into a measuring cup.”

Sonya grins. “Now, on to the important topic, did your evening delight go according to plan?

Donald latched on and drained me dry—in a good way. We both were satisfied.”

“My husband, Greg, was more timid.

“Are you gonna tell him that you’re featured in the cheesecake?”

“It’s probably not a good idea yet. If he asks, I will be honest. In time I will reveal the secret ingredient to his favorite treats.”

“Well, I served Donald personalized pancakes and creamed his coffee this morning. He loved them both.”

Did he know that he was having you for breakfast?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time…. However, there was no mention of the secret ingredient. Based on his appetite last night, he shouldn’t mind.

“As palates adapt, our husbands may begin begging for some personal flavor enhance­ment within specific desserts. Eventually I may explore breast-milk edible treats infused with cannabis.”

“It would satisfy at least two indulgent fantasies in one. But the cannabis legal ramifications would require an army of personnel to sell edibles. A big problem I see is that breast milk edibles are considered infant treats. Adding cannabis creates a conflict.


“We always veer off on these tangents. Not that I mind, but we should get back to business. Based on my research, we can’t put mother’s milk on store shelves.”

“Food, including breast milk, is not regulated by the FDA unless it becomes a health problem,” Sonya interjects.

“To overcome the whole consumption of bodily fluids tabu and stay clear of the FDA radar, we must keep our milk from becoming an issue by means of vigorous sanitation procedures.”

A study by Dr. Sarah Keim, Epidemiologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, came to the conclusion that breast milk purchased online is not optimal for adult nutrition or in the treatment of disease, as there are more risks than proven benefits. —Food Safety News

“I read that there is a market among athletes who drink breast milk to build muscle.”

“That’s a thought. Perhaps we open up a mother’s milk bar in a gym with milk pumped fresh to order.”

“Or charge more for direct extraction! ” Sonya shouts with laughter.

“It’s time to nurse little Roger.”

“Let’s talk about our research. There are a few legitimate websites for selling screened breast milk. The alternative is to sell direct through classified ads.”

“If we wash ourselves well, sterilize our pumps, and freeze immediately, we can minimize bacteria.”

“One of the big problems with selling breast milk is the lack of pasteurization,” Arlene admits. “Heating the milk before cooling kills bacteria and makes it last longer with refrigeration.”

“Yes, but the heat kills probiotic benefits and most of the nutrients, which is why commercial milk is fortified with vitamins afterwards.”

“So what should we do? We have excess milk, but not nearly enough to launch distribution on a significant scale.”

“I think we should focus on our intent. Keep distribution small. Sell enough to prevent our excess from spoiling.”

“We should also profit from our labor. Even without FDA approval, we need to distinguish our milk as tested in some way,” Arlene suggests.

“Language on packaging is important since we do not have a lab. We should be tested for the diseases people fear the milk may contain. This docu­men­ta­tion will support our claims of rigorous screening on ads and packaging.”


Sonya, the younger mom, continues.

“I’d like to put a pretty sticker on the front with a professional logo. There, we can highlight flavor and nutrition. On the back we put another sticker that details the sterile collection methods and health screening.”

“I agree. Keep in mind that milk flavor not only varies from one woman to the next, but our individual composition changes as it adapts to our growing babies. What is very sweet this week may not be so a month from now.”

“Here’s an idea. What if we include small powdered flavor packets—perhaps malt, strawberry, and dark chocolate? That way they can always be sweet.”

“Artificial flavors might appeal to some adult consumers, but not infants. In the future, I could see a possible market for freeze-dried flavored breast milk packets for curious adults.

“I think the milk has more value in its natural state. Great labeling will elevate this to a premium brand. It could fetch at least $2 per ounce. So what do we call ourselves?”

“First I was thinking M&M for mother’s milk. But then I began entertaining the name Milky Way.”

“You must really like sweets. Surely you recognize there is already a Milky Way bar?”

“We can investigate the scope of their trademark but I don’t think anyone will confuse our milk with their candy bar.”

“I guess we have abandoned the name Mammeraide. Mamma’s Milk is more clear. What about Dee Cups, Booby Bubbles or Mamma’s Milky Whey?”

“Booby Bubbles sounds like it might give a baby colic. Dee Cups sounds like something you drink our product from. I like Mamma’s Milky Whey. To simplify the tongue-twisting alliteration, how about simply Mammary Whey?”

“Yeah, and ‘Bubbles’ sounds like the name of a stripper. I absolutely love Mammary Whey. It’s descriptive, easy to remember, and sidesteps the Milky Way legal hurdles.”

“Great, but that’s a product name. The company name should be something different, like Mammeraide or Arlonya.”

“Arlonya is a nice blend of our names. This is already beginning to feel like a company. We will need to start recording all our expenses to calculate our cost per ounce.”

“And try more recipes!” Sonya adds.

“Let’s use up our current frozen milk supply. Then get in the habit of sterilizing everything. We should anticipate feeding more than one mouth. Most important, let’s get those lab tests.”

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