EPISODE 1 – SNAPPY+ROUND
Three entrepreneurs pitch products to a panel of billionaires for a stake in their companies for good dressers and savvy businessmen.
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Product: Snappy Tails
”First in the Goldfish Bowl is a couple that hopes to dress up in casual attire.” A couple comes tapping dancing through the entry doors.
“Hello, Goldfish. I’m Fred.” He does a double foot tap.
“And I’m Ginger.” She does a triple foot tap.
“We’re a dance couple that loves the music and sophistication of the 1940s, with dancers like Gene Kelly.”
“And Ann Miller.”
“Or Fred…”
“And Ginger. But the big difference between Gene and Fred is that Fred was a classier dresser.”
“Why, thank you.”
“Actually, I meant Fred Astaire. But you can dress sharp too, with our new product called…”
“Snappy Tails. We’re offering 12 percent of our company for $30 thousand.”
“Now anyone can step out in style.”
“Whether you’re a teen stepping onto the prom dance floor…”
“Or a Goldfish stepping into a presidential dinner.”
“Snappy Tails simply snap onto the back of a regular suit or sports jacket. They come with white crescent shapes that thread through your shoelaces for the classy look of spats.”
“We’re bending over backward to make a deal. So which one of you Goldfish wants a piece of our tails? There are samples in front of you.”
Dory remarks, “This is nice quality fabric. I see the snaps. But how does it attach to a customer’s jacket?”
“There’s a male and female part to each snap. The male is on the Snappy Tails. You must have a seamstress sew on the female part of the snap. We include a cardboard template with detailed instructions and a link to a video.”
“So it’s not very intuitive and there’s an extra expense to install it on every jacket, right?”
“Most people only have one or two jackets they want to dress up.”
“Well, thank you for answering my questions. It’s not investable at this time. Tap me out of this one.”
“Thank you, Dory. Dear John, you’re in the clothing business. We’d love to make a deal.”
“Didn’t you get the memo? Few people wear tuxedos with tails anymore. Like Dory said, your product seems complex for the average customer. If I were to go this route, it’s the type of product I might build into the manufacturing of a suit. That way the fabric matches and the snaps are already in place.”
Fred interjects, “That’s a splendid idea, John. Dory, would you like to invest in what he said?”
“Why are you pitching to someone who’s already out? You don’t even have that business model. As a matter of fact, you haven’t mentioned your sales.”
“Right now, we are pre-revenue. So there’s quite a bit of flexibility on the ground floor.”
Dear John reacts, “Why would I pay you to bring my idea to market? I’m out.”
Mr. Wonderfulicious interjects, “I am a classy dresser. People don’t know that I sleep in tuxedos. Plus, I have millions of followers across all my social platforms. This would be a great idea for my wedding business. I’d like to make an offer to Dear John. Can I have 20 percent of your business for $30 thousand?”
“Mr. Wonderfulicious, you have yourself a deal.”
“Wait,” Fred says with concern. “What just happened? Is someone investing in my Snappy Tails?”
Cubano summarizes, “No. Mr. Wonderfulicious and Dear John just took your idea and made it better. For those reasons, we’re all out.”
Product: Pit Cream
“Next into the Goldfish Bowl is someone with an idea about personal hygiene.”
Hi, Goldfish. My name is Rochelle Cochran. I’m from the humid state of Florida. And I’m seeking $300 thousand for a 20 percent stake in my product called, Pit Cream.
High humidity can cause excessive perspiration. So can very hot weather or participating in sports. In the 1970s, we sprayed ourselves with ozone-destroying deodorant. Then manufacturers migrated to roll-on bottles and sticks. What do they have in common? They each can collect underarm hairs and sweat during application.
That’s why I created Pit Cream. It is a salve you apply with your fingertips. This allows it to get deep into your pores for maximum efficacy. It’s odorless, so it doesn’t compete with your regular cologne or perfume. Now, who wants to cream the competition with Pit Cream? In front of you are some samples to try out.
Dory remarks, “The consistency is very creamy. Do you have any patents or clinical research studies?”
“No. That’s the next step if I get your investment. I’ll do the research and pay slotting fees.”
“Is there anything proprietary about your ingredients?”
“The exact ratio of baby powder, hydrogen peroxide, olive oil, and water is a trade secret.”
“If that’s all it is, I’m out.”
Dear John snips, “How bad does someone have to smell to wake up and say, ‘My new calling in life is to make deodorant?’ Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m out.”
“What kind of advice is that? How can I remember what I don’t know? Mr. Wonderfulicious, can you help me out?”
“Rochelle, if you had done your research, you would have learned that the Egyptians used to make deodorant from the Nile River water and gold dust. That’s what I use today. It makes me feel dry and confident during negotiations. What you’re manufacturing is inferior to something already in existence. But let me hear your numbers. With a 1.5 million dollar valuation, you must have tremendous sales.”
“I know the sales will come. So far, I’ve just been using it on myself and my dog, Waffles. I have a picture of him on my phone for anyone who wants to see it. That’s why I need a Goldfish, to mentor me with manufacturing, distribution, and marketing.”
“Your company is not worth $1.5 million. It’s not even a company. It’s a poor cockroach idea. Judging by your huge underarm sweat stains, you should know that. I’m out.”
“Thank you for your feedback. Cubono, I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this product. It seems like a perfect fit for your sports team.”
“I listened to your description of the product. For those reasons, I’m out.
Product: Investa-Go-Round
“Next into the Goldfish Bowl is someone with a surprise offer for savvy investors.”
“Hi Goldfish. My name is Edward Hutton. Just like people answer the calls of Cubono or Dory, when I talk people listen. I’m here offering $100 thousand for 10 percent of one of your companies valued at over a million dollars.”
Pulling money from his inside suit jacket, Edward continues, “This is a one hundred dollar bill. He has nine hundred and ninety-nine more friends who are itching to get into the coffers of your business. So which one of you Goldfish is ready to feed on some green fish food and make it rain?”
“Hello!” Cubono shouts.
Mr. Wonderfulicious begins. “Let me start. I am the most wealthy, and wonderful man in the vastly diverse investment world. My financial portfolio includes the portfolios of major corporations with tremendous assets. I’m so wealthy that I even bring value to the air I breathe. Why should I give you any part of my companies?”
“Everybody needs money.”
“I earn over a million dollars every 10 minutes. That’s $2 million every time I go to the toilet. Your $100 thousand is nothing to me.”
“Thanks Mr. Wonderfulicious. I’m out.”
“What do you mean? No I’m the one who’s out!”
Dory says, “I can’t find an offer in your pitch. I’m out as well.”
Dear John replies, “I just wrote you a letter. It says, ‘I want to break up with you.’ I’m out.”
Cubono shakes his head before asking, “Who let this bottom-feeder in? Someone get the hook and reel him out of here. Then explain to him the rules for Goldfish Bowl contestants. As a matter of fact, don’t validate his parking, and ban him from future basketball games!”
Continue…
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