Carly Carpe Diem E10

Diana bonds with Carly outdoors.

But Carly maintains doubts—wondering if she is living in the wrong gender. Diana assures her that without hormone supplements, there is no way she would have developed all her feminine parts. Carly decides to receive a professional evaluation.

A gynecologist explains that Carly has XX chromosomes with clitoromegaly. On a Prader scale, she’s between III and IV. Reduction surgery is unnecessary unless she is unhappy with her appearance. For another opinion, she calls Diana.

“My gynecologist confirmed the wide variation in both clitoral circumference and length, ranging from 5 to 35 mm among women. At 40 mm, mine is atypical. Clitoromegaly is a terrifying name that sounds like a Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

“What options did she offer?”

“With surgical reduction, I should be able to retain most sensation. But she said it’s not medically necessary. If there’s discomfort or dissatisfaction with appearance, the surgery is elective.”

“Are you satisfied with your appearance?”

“It’s been that way all my life so it’s my normal. It’s like someone offering to cut the tips of my fingers off for uniform length. Besides, if its role is pleasure, I might be diminishing mine by more than half with reduction surgery.”

“It sounds like you have your answer.”

Dating

Carly has been limiting her relationships to passionate kissing. She eventually feels close enough to Jeff to explain her anomaly. With only his imagination of the description, he says it makes no difference.

But when she reveals herself, he changes his mind. Jeff asks if she is actually a man or in the middle of a failed gender reassignment. “Are you trying to trick me?” he asks. “I’m not sure what you are!” Jeff tells her that she probably could not have children. Despite her assurances to the contrary, he terminates the relationship.

This obviously devastates Carly, so she pours her heart out to Diana over the phone. She expresses that all her femininity died after Jeff’s words and reaction.

“Exposing the most private part of my body is supposed to make a mate feel loved, excited, and privileged. It was humiliating to hear Jeff react with disgust.”

“Most women go through some bad relationships. I told you about mine. Believe me, there are men who would be overjoyed to have you.”

“Maybe I’m a freak, better off wandering the streets of Hollywood,” she bemoans. ^[1]

“Carly, you have a sexy oddity. That’s all. It doesn’t diminish your beauty or value.”

Many women seeking labiaplasty desire to resemble the idealized media images to which they are exposed. ^[2]

“Tell me to cut it off and I’ll do it!”

“You’ve been talking about this for years. Let’s turn the conversation around. My breasts are sagging. During a mastopexy, a surgeon can remove excess glandular tissues, ligaments, and skin. With a knife, he then repositions my areolae to restore perky pubescent boobs. Should I undergo this surgery?”

“It sounds painful and will result in some scarring. I wouldn’t make that decision for you.”

“I agonize over this decision during each BSE. Whether I choose to make that sacrifice for someone in the future is my choice. It takes on new meaning if someone makes it a condition of my self worth.

“The same applies to your private area. If you choose to do so, I will pay the best cosmetic surgeon to give you a makeover. But I will never insist that you mutilate yourself to please anyone besides yourself.” ^[3]

“It makes me feel a little better to hear those words. But to fill the void in my heart, I need to hear them from a romantic partner. Right now, that just does not seem possible. I’m 25 years old and the only person I’ve been intimate with is myself. I know we love each other and it seems you admire my oddity.”

Intervention

Despite frequent reassurance of fine qualities, Carly refrains from dating for a number of years. She withdraws, with the excuse that her work schedule hinders opportunities to date. Carly’s bright personality is dimmed by bouts of depression, diminishing self-worth, and weight fluctuations. Diane can no longer bear the weight of Carly expressing a miserable life.

Over the phone Diana shares, “It hurts my heart for you to endure depression over lack of love when I have so much for you. How can I cheer up my Carly?”

“Diana, I’ve worn myself out repeating over and over the solution to all my darkness.”

“Well, the next time we see each other, my response could be different.”

“Is this another ‘It’s happening’ moment that leads to disappointment?”

“I expect you will be happy with my response this time.”

“Are you coming to Kansas or should I go to California?”

“With a little more preparation, the long-overdue biggest surprise of your life will happen here. I’ll let you know when.”

They continue regular conversations and Carly’s disposition is much better. One evening she receives a phone call from Jeff, her former boyfriend.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to listen. But I hope you’ll hear me out.”

“You must realize that your voice brings up so much anger. But I’ll be the mature one and listen.”

“From the bottom of my heart, I’m truly sorry for the heartache I caused. My words and actions were inexcusable. Since then, I’ve done some research to educate myself. It’s my hope that you’ll forgive my ignorance and give me another chance. Our relationship had so much promise before I acted stupidly.”

“This is—unexpected. Why now?”

“I figured you hated me, with proper cause, but efforts to move on have been unsuccessful. Picking up exactly where we left off seems inappropriate. But if you’re willing, we could go out to dinner or a movie sometime.”